On my travels here I have recently heard of a test for dogs approved by councils to "make sure" they don't attack kiwis, which are a protected species. The test involves kiwi feathers and an electric shock collar. The dog is let off the lead in an area where the feathers are. If the dog starts to try to go to the feathers it receives a shock. The idea is to deter the dog from approaching that smell. Then (and only then) the owner receives a certificate to state that the dog is "kiwi friendly".

Yesterday I was told about a guy whose dog, while on the test, walked straight past the feathers without reacting. The owner was naturally very pleased. However, the examiners were not and forced the guy to push his dog to the feathers, where they subsequently shocked the dog in order for it to pass the test and get the certificate.

Is it just me or does that sound like the biggest load of (I better choose my words carefully here) rubbish? This dog did the right thing but they forced it to go near the feathers in order to shock it to pass. I would call this test moronic but that would sully the good name of morons everywhere.

Of course, I can't just criticise these cretins without offering an alternative. So here it is. When the dog leaves the feathers alone, it gets praised and maybe even a treat so it associates leaving that smell alone with a positive consequence. I know of one species hunter who has a little walkie talkie attached to his dogs' collars so when they get it right at a distance he tells them "Good dog". A much better use of technology.

Sure, this process may take a little more time, but imagine teaching a baby table manners in the same way. "Say ta or it's the collar for you". I suggest these people responsible for this test do regular quality control by putting the collars on themselves - maybe they will suddenly prefer my idea......